Translating Realtor Speak

As Realtors, we sometimes become creative in describing certain features of the homes we sell. The Wall Street Journal once ran a summary list of Realtor feature descriptions and what they really mean. I call this “Translating Realtor-Speak”. Assume the perspective of the reader:

When You Read:                                                                       It Really Means:

“Great starter home”                                                                   As basic as you would want to get

“Prime location”                                                                         Ask price while sitting down

“Shows well”                                                                              Very fussy seller

“City view”                                                                                 Overlooks lighted warehouses

“Will help finance”                                                                      Priced almost out-of-reach

“Immaculate”                                                                            Wipe feet and tip-toe in

“Natural setting”                                                                         On road to nudist camp

“Real atrium”                                                                             But fake plants

“Well below market”                                                                   Basement of grocery store

“Quite neighbors”                                                                       Police halted shoot-outs

“Near lovely walking paths”                                                          No bus line

“Basic air conditioning”                                                               Must open all windows

“Reduced to move”                                                                     Has been on market for two years

“Plenty of good parking”                                                              Stadium across street

“Garden entrance”                                                                     Through furnace room

“Extra Storage”                                                                          Four hooks

“Night-time security”                                                                   Street lights shine in all windows

“Close to school”                                                                        Backs up to basketball court

“Will re-decorate”                                                                       Needed for past ten years

“Sunken tub”                                                                             Floor very un-level

“Nice condition”                                                                         Borderline for sure

“Handyman special”                                                                    Forget it!

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